You fail in love because you are a bad student

You might have had beautiful relationships in your life and respective poignant breakups. Whenever you sit to think for finding the reasons, you slowly and unconsciously slip into the limbo of overthinking. You are not alone, it’s just the norm and you have the company of millions of people.

Very first and foremost point to address is ‘People build highly unrealistic expectations around Love’. What’s your favourite movie in love genre determines what hopes you have set for your dream partner. You also have grown up watching real-life love stories which are over-dramatised for the sake of hypocrisy; be it your brother, sister, cousin, or uncle. The glorification of romance and avoiding the discussion of pain leads you all together to a wrong road of bitterness. Hope is the essence of life but hope filled with fantasy is a sure-shot ingredient for misery.

As Homosapien species, we are all imperfect and honestly very hard to tolerate and bear with. So the question of perfect partner vanishes there. The A-lister reasons that make you failure student in love school are as follows.

1. You know ‘to be loved’ but don’t know ‘to love’

Parents pamper you, sometimes more than required, by going overboard with a parently affection which causes children to tune themselves into ‘being loved’ mode and they completely don’t know ‘how to love’ even as they grow as adults. Having very loving parents is actually counter-intuitive to becoming a great lover. Because loving parents never ever tell you your flaws which later manifest in your relationships as game-changers.

Connecting byte-

‘When a person showers his/her love on in many ways and their partner reciprocates love only in the bedroom, that’s very painful experience. It’s because many people don’t have the strength to say ‘I am weak without you, I need you. They are very bad at expression because of their insecurities.’

2. We are addicts of emotions and people- Emotionally Insufficient

Have you seen people who always need people around them to be in balance? You might have. Many people always try to surround themselves with people, activities, and noise with the one and only one fear of ‘being with themselves’. They are dead afraid to talk to themselves and turn to all kinds of addictions to avoid self-talk, self-reflection, and self-time. When you are afraid of your own company, you will develop the same fear in the opposite person who loves you.

Connecting byte-

‘When your partner can’t leave you for a second, it seems so romantic and mellowing in the beginning and you also feel an uplifted self-worth. But if it continues like that and if he/she calls you 26 times a day and expects you to spend your whole time and energy with them after your work, it feels exhausting and you pray to God for an instant, magical breakup.’

3. Weakest communication ever possible- We don’t speak our minds

As a lover, you expect your partner to be your mind reader and you don’t tell out your problems. You sulk out, avoid them, and get angry but never clearly tell ‘what’s the problem?’ which can literally solve 90% of your worries. Even if you want to break up, you should clearly tell your partner your decision and the brutally honest reasons behind it. Breaking up without information and not telling him/her the reasons is the biggest offence you will commit and you will surely pay a huge price for it later.

4. You have many myths about Love as said above

You have this dreamy concept of love in mind where it’s all romantic with a path of roses, smiles, excitement, and uninterrupted happiness without a tinge of bitterness. Maybe it’s the effect of either Bollywood or Tollywood movie which you have to verify yourself. But the actual truth is ‘Love will surely have a lot of pain no matter what’. Even if your love is a success, you will have loads of pain waiting for you. So the only way to find your true love is to see ‘who gives the pain you like’. It means you should be ready to lovingly accept the pain of loving the person forever.

5. This is the highlight- You check surfaces and leave the core and end up in surprises

In an arranged marriage, all the parameters you check on their matrimony profile, analyse them sitting with your mother, father, grandparents, uncles, aunts, friends, neighbours, distant relatives, and also your pet dog. When all of them give their nod, you get a confidence to marry him/her. But what all they see for? Everyone checks just two things- Wealth and Reputation. Many times wealth overshadows reputation, so it’s just wealth.

What if you with all the riches of your partner, you couldn’t enjoy a dinner with him/her in a restaurant because you can’t keep the conversation going for more than 10 loooonggg minutes. Life will be more horrible when prisons are sophisticated because you can easily escape a cheap prison.
Even if the person so good at heart, what if you don’t feel the connection??

6. You don’t know how to handle SEX

With the poorest sex education, you become the worst advocate for sexuality, though it’s not just your mistake alone. Sex is the highly pleasurable act available, but without a deep desire and emotion, it becomes a bizarre experience for both involved. Man’s muscles and women’s curves are romanticized by the beauty industry but as an emotional industrialist, I am saying, you can never go to the core of sexual pleasure without having an immense love inside and out for your lover.

Connecting byte-

When you get cosy in bed with your partner, if your mind wanders here and there without looking into your partner’s eyes and making the move, you have a deficit of love. Either you have to love him/her more or love somebody else. Don’t embarrass anybody on the bed by taking them to bed without loving them in your mind.

Love is not just an instinct, it’s an education and art you have to master for becoming good at. It’s because if you just follow your feelings, you will surely commit suicide, if you be completely practical you will have no life; so you have to have a madness but there should be a method in it.

If you anything to add to the observations, please mention in the comments. The next article will arrive soon for all the enthusiastic readers. Honest thanks for readers, supporters, and genuine followers.

This is Sharath Chandra Rudrabhatla signing off for now. See you very soon.